I haven't been feeling well recently,
probably all the stress on mid terms coming up.
I want to go home, but exactly where is home?
Its not where my mother is, the place where she'd
keep me locked up and under her control. Its not where
my friends are with their families. Where do I go?
I have no home,
    I've never had any.
If I go with my relatives they'd try to keep me under control,
am I a bad person for putting my own duties and morals above their own needs and standards?
   I'm getting tired of South Carolina, I want to go somewhere else, I'm just afraid of taking that dive, going off to another college and meeting new people and a new environment.
     Things may be better off over there...
This years goal is learning to not stand in my own way. many times my own negative thoughts get the best of me, I hesitate, overact, worry and mess things up. I'm ready to get a grip and realize, Hey! I'm the only thing that stand in my way! At the same time I want to be surrounded by people that will genuinely love me and support me, the kind of people I have rarely been surrounded in my entire life yet I want to be alone and not be bothered by people who expect me to go out of my for them. Sigh, this year is going to be one on going battle. What do other people do when they realize they had to grow up on their own? They never really did have a good mother? Or a father and much less a brother or sister? When that reality check hits you, what do you do with it? Do you let it sit on your mind and eat your conscience about how ridiculous and naive you've been that the abusive environment was good for you? Or do you take it and store it in a closet where no one will ever see that side of you. And hope that it wont creep up on you? All I can do now is put my anger and pain aside and focus on my music and art. I need to do this that's what I have to keep telling myself, I need to do this.